As it’s Pride month, and although being Transgender does make me part of the LGBT community, the main focus at Pride is regarding sexuality and that’s why I thought I’d discuss mine, my relationship with it and how it’s developed.
Before transitioning I came out to a few as Bi and then Lesbian, but since coming out as Transgender I felt this made these ‘coming out’s’ somewhat void.
You see the issue itself wasn’t sexuality at all, I just put that label on what I was feeling as I didn’t fully understand what I was going through. I wanted something that allowed me to present in a more masculine way and by coming out as ‘lesbian’ this was seen as more socially acceptable.
However, this exploration of my identity, through presenting in a more masculine way, made me come to the realisation that I was transgender and thus lead to a new relationship with my body.
Sex and sexuality is a very personal matter, before transitioning I was always going to be seen as someone’s ‘girlfriend’ and by coming out as lesbian I was able to play the role of the more ‘butch’ partner and compensate for my own insecurities regarding gender. However, throughout my transition, with each step, I began to see the changes and myself more as the man I wanted to be seen as all along. This new found pride in my own body meant I felt more confident to share it with others and still be seen as male, because I was all along, I just didn’t realise it until after pursuing my medical transition.
So that leads to the question: what is my sexual orientation?
Simply put, I don’t like labels but what I do like is people. There is a label for this and that would be ‘pansexual’ – this is defined as being “not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender or gender identity”
Maybe this came about because with any relationship I entered I had to ask my potential partner to be open to the idea of me. I was born biologically female but my gender identity is now male. From this I began to question ‘if I’m asking other people to be more open and simply accept me for me rather than anything else, or regardless of something else, surely I should do the same to others?’ With that mind set I began to view people as simply that, people, and it allowed me to be more open with my dating life.
Currently, I’m in a heterosexual (male and female) relationship with my girlfriend (who is also transgender) – however some may claim this as a pansexual relationship since our sex doesn’t necessarily align with our gender.
Whatever the label, I honestly don’t care, I love her and that’s all that matters.
People are beautiful, love is love and that’s what pride is truly about. So stay loud and proud just by being truly you.