4 Years on Testosterone (with Photos!)

4 Years on Testosterone (with Photos!)

It’s April 2017 and do you know what that marks? This month I reach the point of 4 Years on Testosterone.

So for this blog post I thought I’d take a look back on how these years have developed me into the man I am today. So here’s a quick overview on my progress (with pictures to keep it interesting!) and how it’s shaped me:

Teenage/School Years (2004-2011)

This was a very confusing time for me, high school can be a hard time for anyone, not only did I not relate to my peers but also my own body and emotions. I didn’t have the vocabulary for what I was feeling and ultimately I felt lost.  During this time period I came out as ‘lesbian’ thinking this was the label I was seeking, from this I ended up getting abuse, becoming homeless and feeling more lost than ever before. My grades were failing and with school being school, I believed I was doomed.


The Realisation (2011-2012)

After spending time in a homeless shelter and then building myself a place to call ‘home’ along with joining a local college. I finally had the freedom to explore my thoughts in a safe environment. And from this I realised (and accepted!) that the issue was my gender and the relationship I had with my own body. Around April 2012 I made the conscious decision to go to my GP and ask for a referral to the Gender Identity Services in Northern Ireland. Little did I know it would then be another year until I could start the HRT process.



The Wait (2012-2013)

Some of you may or may not know Northern Ireland still views Gender Dysphoria as a Mental Health issue therefore using the Mental Health services. I wasn’t prepared for the 6 month wait to even access an appointment nor the 6 months of psychological assessments to get a prescription for hormones. Honestly, I can say this was the worst part and made me suicidal, I’d spent my entire life hiding who I was and I’d finally said it out loud, I wanted and needed action THEN but was told to wait. Having something out of your mental control then be out of your physical control can only be described as frustrating.


The Beginning (2013)

In April 2013 I got the go ahead for Testosterone – I quit my job knowing they’d see differences (despite passing as male even though pre-t in that position), I graduated from college that June and then in July I made the move from small town life to the big city of Belfast. This was to give me a fresh start, throw away any of my past and begin again. From there I started a new job, University along with making new friends as ‘Harry’ and began feeling more confident in myself. However I went ‘stealth’ and didn’t disclose my Trans status to anyone I met, hiding from my past ultimately because I was ashamed of this part of me.



April 2013- April 2014

1 year on T! I’d made it – the first year was more about mental changes than physical but one major physical factor that came with this first year was Top Surgery. In March 2014 I had my pre-op consultation and in April I flew over to Brighton, UK to have Double Incision Top Surgery with Dr Andrew Yelland. Nothing can explain the joy I felt waking up after that operation, to know that I didn’t have to wear a tight, restrictive Binder ever again and after healing could enjoy a more free life. Although slightly distressed by two massive scars across my chest these brought me a new lease of life. After this surgery I religiously looked after my scars, shout out to Adam Moore for washing my hair to aviod any stretching and thanks to my housemates in general who helped with living until I healed. Along with this I applied bio oil and tried to aid recovery as best I could meaning that today my scars are barely visible. This year I also started Placement Year and entering the world as a working professional.



April 2014-March 2015

2 years on T! – Another year, another disappointment in lack of facial hair. Annoyingly when following others Transitions I wasn’t aware Transguys in America generally have a higher dosage of Testosterone so by this stage I thought I’d be sporting a sexy beard but this was truly not the case. Throughout this year  I began exploring myself more in regards to who I was now the world was seeing me as male. I had kept up being stealth to this point but it still made me think that my gender identity (or journey) was a nasty secret I had to hide. Also within this year I discovered there were more guys like me in the UK and Ireland when I got introduced to online support groups and now I wonder how I ever managed to get through it all without them. On top of this throughout this year I ended a long term relationship which had been less than supportive to me as a person yet I held onto it, fearing that was simply the best ‘love’ I could get.



April 2015- March 2016

3 years on T! – Finally we can see facial hair (well it’s a start!) I call this the year of development, I realised I didn’t need a relationship to make me happy – only I could do that, I didn’t need another person to tell me I’m a nice person because I am. Great mental improvement happened this year and made me come to terms that my trans history wasn’t shameful but something I could share. At the beginning of 2016 I started talking to my mother again (although this relationship is still tedious), I began writing for a local LGBT magazine in July 2015 which made me come to terms with my life more (I even posed in just my jocks!) and generally things seemed to be improving for auld Harry.


[Photo Credit to: Brad McClenaghan]

April 2016-March 2017

This was the stretch of 3 Years to almost 4 Years and what a stretch it’s been! So where do I even begin? From attending a Trans Training Residential which resulted in me not only coming to terms with myself and telling ALL my friends in a blog post that I am a transgender man but also finding my other (better looking) half, Jamie O’Herlihy. A transgender woman herself, who teaches me everyday being trans isn’t a downfall in regards to dating, you’re lovable regardless of that. We went ‘public’ and started a YouTube Channel/Facebook page not realising the result it would have. From guiding people questioning their own identity/sexual orientation and educating people to even showing others life is still worth living –  feedback alone shows just by putting our lives on social media we’re helping others. I even made my television debut throughout this year! Admittedly the tacky newspapers/magazines weren’t the best way about it but the work we’re doing from them – LGBT magazine articles, blog posts, videos, replying to every message we get – we’ve started to see we really are helping. I also graduated in this year, started a full time job, my beards slowly but surely growing in and I’ve progressed with the steps to reach bottom surgery.



April 2017 and 4 years on T!


[Photo Credit to: Jamie O’Herlihy]


Honestly, I’m not that braggy I’m more humbled that the confused, lonely teen at the beginning of this post became the man you see below. Self progression is an incredible thing and the power to turn your own life around can never be underestimated. Thanks to anyone who’s simply read or been a part of this journey, you’ve also made me the man I am today.





BBC Transgender Kids: Who Knows Best?

BBC Transgender Kids: Who Knows Best?

Recently my timeline became flooded with outrage over a television programme created by the BBC. This programme was called ‘Transgender Kids: Who Knows Best?’ and due to the negative reaction over this controversial programme I decided to give it a watch.

Now be warned this blog may be quite controversial as I don’t necessarily think it was as bad as the uproar suggested.

As I sat up the Iplayer, got comfortable and began watching I heard the line ‘If a child was to say they were a dog would we go out and buy them dog food?’ – one of the lines these outraged watchers focused on. But they lacked to mention this viewpoint was followed up by another’s stating how Transgender kids needed to be listened to or else they may kill themselves. A very true fact, and a non biased perspective as I expected from the BBC, to show both sides of the argument.

Admittedly, the comparison of a dog (a non human animal) in relation to gender dysphoria (a genuine issue which can cause great distress in individuals) is a far-fetched comparison and not one I feel comfortable with. However this was spoken by Zucker a gender ‘specialist’ who had been dismissed from his line of work due to resisting the idea that transgender children needed to transition. Now a lot of these outraged watchers had an issue with Zucker being involved with the show at all, apparently he has been involved in conversion type therapies, although the full nature of these wasn’t explored in great detail during the show. Zucker’s approach was that children who state they want to be the opposite sex shouldn’t be ‘pandered’ to but examined as to why they feel like this and explore the issue with the child.

The people complaining about this show stated Zucker shouldn’t have been on the show on this first place, but the BBC were obviously looking to examine both sides of the transgender kids argument and to be honest they could have picked a far worse representative. Would they rather a religious backward person who claimed being transgender altogether was a sin? (something I have experienced myself) Or someone who stated this is a genuine issue that occurs in families today and it is important to realise how the binary of gender stereotypes needs to be broken down before transitioning in pursued?

The reason why I think this isn’t as awful an approach as the complainers made out is quite simple – I wouldn’t push anyone down the path of transitioning from one gender to the other unless absolutely necessary.

This journey is tough- it requires a lot of surgeries , lot of rejection and ultimately a lot of stress.

What I took from the show was that gender can often be an area of confusion for a child because they are taught girls should act a certain way or boys should dress a certain way. What needs to be done first is explain that there are many types of ‘girl’ and ‘boy’ and there’s no set narrative of what these genders are. Obviously if this approach didn’t work and for example they are seen taking drastic measures towards their genitals then a more advanced approach needs to be taken. But what I would try to teach my child is the diversity of humans and how girls can have penises, and boys can have girls names etc. Explore the concept that everyone if different regardless of gender and we don’t have to fit binary norms to be one or the other.

If I had a AMAB child who desperately wanted to live as a binary girl, then maybe I’d have to reconsider my approach but if it was simply a case of ‘I wanna be a girl’ I’d respond ‘Okay, you’re a girl – it’s that easy – you don’t have to change anything about yourself, girls can have short hair and be called Jack etc.’ rather than going out and buying them princess dresses and dolls, thus contributing to the idea that genders have to be a certain way to fit societal norms.

Overall, I guess, this blog is simply to state; that if I as a transgender person, took good from the documentary despite my vast knowledge on the topic. Someone with very little knowledge probably heard the same as I did – break the binary, allow the child time to consider what they’re feeling, then contemplate the idea of transitioning if it’s right for the child.

In my eyes the BBC did a good thing, addressing this is an issue and normalising the idea that this topic may occur in families and isn’t necessarily to be frowned at. They fairly showed two sides of the argument: one who says to wait and one that says go for it. Not even including the concept of an absolute NO. So despite all the negative reviews (which have their valid opinions and reasons to be disgruntled)  I’m a transgender watcher who wasn’t all that offended.

Over and out.